Imposter Syndrome

I had a video call with an editor the other week. She had some lovely things to say about my rich writing, vivid details, fascinating characters and emotional depth. When I first read her comments on the page she was editing for me, I began to cry. Literally no one had validated my writing before. Friends and family I asked to read my novels would say sure and then leave the carefully printed copies on the guest bed when they left. One friend read a few chapters but then stopped and all she had to say was "riveting scene." And after months of sending out query letters I received no feedback. None. If I got a reply at all it was a general, thank you but this isn't the project for me, kind of response. One person said the writing style was not compelling enough to make an exception for a work of historical fiction. I was writing in the void.

And I made the mistake of getting back on Instagram. And so many authors and indie authors have such flashy accounts. It immediately made me feel unprepared. And, of course, it is social media so people curate what they post. But even knowing this, it is easy to begin to compare yourself to others. To doubt yourself. The reasons I had left social media to begin with. I still think any and all social media is toxic.

And between publishing in the void, comparing myself to others on social media and dealing with my own inner demons, I was beginning to think I wouldn't try traditional publishing at all. So, I hired an editor for my first novel. But, then I got to thinking, what if? And I send an editing request to another editor for my query letter for my second novel. Her kindness, warmth and support in all of a 40 minute phone call were enough to reinspire and reinvigorate my pursuit of publication. She even told me I was having imposter syndrome and, basically, to stop it! Thank you, Mikaela!

So this is to all of you out there doubting yourself. Do it anyway.