Validation

Who doesn't need a bit of praise once in a while? Everyone, honestly. It doesn't matter what you do for a living or who your family is; we are all looking for validation.

Just the other day I got off a call with an editor who said: "I really enjoyed the rich detail and emotion of it! It was a pleasure to get a feel for your vivid writing and wonderful characters, and I found the angel Malakh, the collector of souls, a fascinating presence. He really gives a distinctive element to the story."

Not being used to praise I almost fell out of my seat. It was exactly what I had wanted someone to say about my writing and there it was from a professional editor and agent who works for a Big Five.

Let me tell you, though, that days like this are few and far between for writers. Even with support groups, writing conventions, beta readers and everything else, we are often sitting alone, writing out into the void. And it won't matter what you write, what genre you write in, how many books you publish, this little truth never goes away.

If you are going to write you need to be doing it for you. Or your characters-I know my characters often boss me around and nag and pester me until I write their story down. My validation comes from the characters being satisfied enough with what I have done to finally leave me alone!

But, more often than not, the people you ask to read your manuscript will say, "oh sure!" but never get around to it. Or they will offer either 1) unhelpful advice or 2) cheerlead you so much there isn't much real feedback to go on. Once again, despite having readers you are once again working in the void.

Agents and editors will read a sample and provide little to no feedback frequently opting for generalized statements like "this work isn't for me but I wish you luck," or some such thing. And, I get it, the publishing industry is a beast and is all about turnaround and these people's inboxes are flooded with queries. I get it. But, once again, the result is writing in the void.

If you are going to write I recommend a few things 1) get your mental game on because without inner strength and confidence in yourself this whole thing is going to tear you apart from the inside out; 2) get a therapist. Really. Even if you have never needed one before, get one now; 3) use your writing to process your emotions. Not everything you write needs to be intended for the market.; 4) don't seek or expect praise or validation from anyone other than yourself or you will be sorely disappointed time and again (see point 1).